My Six Month Check In
As of today it’s been six months since I first shared this site. What a six months it’s been. Six months and one day ago, there were a very small handful of people who knew I’d had panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Yesterday, I gave a talk and ran a workshop to 100 or so people at my work about mental health and the way we talk to ourselves. So, I think it’s fair to say that a lot has changed.
I’ve had so many positive and wonderful comments and conversations with people as a result of putting dadpression out into the world. I’ve talked to people I’ve known for years and years about things we’ve never talked about before. I’ve also had people I’ve never met share my stories to their networks saying that they think it’s important and worth reading. All of it has been humbling, inspiring and has ultimately reminded me that people, at their core, are lovely creatures.
I want to share some reflections about those conversations and also some reflections about myself too. Basically, what I’ve learnt about myself in the last six months.
Firstly, the conversations. There are so many people out there, that we all know, that have battles with their mental health in one way or another. You cannot exist in this world and not care about someone who (at some point) goes through a tough time. So the first reflection is, it’s never the wrong time to check in on the people you care about. And, if you are the one going through it, it is never the wrong time to ask for help.
One thing that has really amazed me about the conversations I’ve had, is the breadth of experiences. I’ve talked with people like me who have been in very dark places, who have experiences with medications and long therapy journeys. I’ve also talked to people who haven’t had personal experience, but have loved ones who have struggled. They said they were grateful for the site opening up a conversation and maybe providing some insight.
The second thing I’ve been reflecting on, is that everyone has their own story to tell, but we all care about hearing the stories of others. I didn’t expect this element. Opening up has shown me that people want to talk about mental health, but we find it very hard to know if the space is right to do so. We, as a society, still have much work to do in this space. But every time I’ve begun these talks with people, we’ve learnt about each other and our understanding has grown. My takeaway is that we all want to talk, we just haven’t communally accepted that it’s OK to do so.
I’ve also been really touched by the people (some who I haven’t talked to for years in some cases) who have reached out to check in on me personally. Like I said at the start, six months ago there was a very small number of people who knew that I might need to be checked in on from time to time. Having people message or call just to see how I’m doing never ceases to give me a massive boost for the rest of that day.
So my third reflection is that we shouldn’t ever underestimate the power of checking in with someone. Them knowing that you care can turn their whole day around. So if you are umming and ahhing about calling someone, just do it. It always means so much to hear from someone and to know that they thought about you. Our attention is one of the most powerful things we can give to others.
What have I learnt about myself? The first thing is that I’m not unique, there is nothing special about me. I could view that as a negative, but I don't. Because I spent so long worrying that no one would get it if I talked about it. That people would look at me like ‘what is this guy on about?’. Finding out that lots of other people have had similar experiences has been incredibly validating for me. And there is something really amazing about having that weight lifted off my shoulders. I don’t have to walk around worrying about people finding out. I get low, I get anxious and sometimes make mountains out of molehills. Big deal. We all do it to a certain extent.
I’ve also been reminded that progress and growth is not linear. I have had some lows since I started the site. I’m not ‘fixed’ and never will be. I’m still a work in progress, as we all are. Just because I started sharing my experiences and stories, it doesn’t mean I’m immune to those things happening again.
I’ll be honest, I had moments where I started to congratulate myself on a job well done. As if I’d passed some test or gained some form of qualification by sharing this stuff. But in reality, all I’ve done with the site is share some stories and some of the tools I’ve learnt along the way. I still need to call on those tools myself, regularly.
Finally, I’ve been reflecting on how far I’ve come. From the confused teenager who didn’t know why he couldn’t sleep at night, to the lost 20 year old who had no control over his emotions. Or even the first time dad beating himself up for not getting anything right. I’m proud that I’ve not stopped working on myself. That I am recommitting every day to myself and my family and friends to treating myself with kindness and spreading that out into the world. I’m also proud that I can say I am proud of myself without squirming too much! Personal growth huh? Who knew?