My Little Things

One of the things that held me back from sharing my writing was that I was waiting until I was ‘fixed’. As if one day I’d find the magic secret to not getting depressed or anxious. When I did that I could share the big secret with everyone. Unfortunately, and sorry to disappoint, there isn’t one. The good thing about accepting that fact is that it allows you to focus on making the little things you do add up.

And the little things really do add up. I’ve heard lots of people talk about this in a wide variety of contexts and it’s pretty much always true. Doing the little things as an athlete give you the tiniest advantage in a game when you need it. Doing little things to improve things at work make things easier in the future. And it’s the same when it comes to mental health. Small, incremental and sometimes tiny changes can pile on to either bring you up or down.

I always found it was never one thing that would make me anxious or depressed. Sometimes there would be a specific event that pushed me over into a panic attack. But this would always come on the back of other things adding up beforehand. For a long time I didn’t consider that this would work the same way in the positive. It seems so obvious when I’ve accepted it in every other facet of my life. But I was always searching for one thing that would ‘fix’ me when it came to anxiety and depression.

So it came as a real surprise to me, when I lay in bed one night expressing my frustration to my wife. I didn’t feel like I had made any progress after working hard on my mental health for almost a year. My wife told me that she thought I had and that she could notice the difference. I couldn't see it. So, like I was a child she walked me through the things I’d been doing and the positive impacts she’d noticed in me.

She listed out a bunch of stuff, but I'll share what I think are the greatest hits.

The first is some pretty simple breathing exercises and running. I did heaps of reading about the vagus nerve. But the long and short of it is that taking 15-30 minutes where you focus on breathing in and out has been great for me. I’ve never been a runner, but running has been so good for me too. Focusing on controlling my breath and putting one foot after the other. I find it like meditating on the move.

I went on anti-depressants. I’d had medication for more acute anxiety and panic attacks before. But I had always resisted going on to drugs that you need to take every day. I got to the point though, where I had to admit to myself that I needed help. I was at the point where I felt like I was starting every day like I was already falling behind.

I started making furniture out of plywood. It’s not going to win any prizes for aesthetics. But the process of making it and spending time on it is therapeutic. I even sometimes get my daughters to help me measure things and we do parts of it together. I made them a dolls house. Which, like I said, it’s not going to end up in doll’s house weekly. But painting it with them and watching them play with it is so rewarding.

I also gave up drinking alcohol. (I’m going to devote a whole story to this). During lock down I was drinking daily and kind of just kept up the habit. It wasn’t helping my mood, like I said before I was starting the day off feeling low and drinking wasn’t helping. It was surprisingly easy to stop. We still have beers and wine in the fridge and I’m slowly giving away my whisky collection. I don’t feel an urge to drink any of it and I'm not sure if I'll go back to it again.

The most crucial thing I did though, was commit to rewiring my reactions. These are truly the little things. Moments of your day that can push you in the wrong direction if you let them. Catching myself when I was beating myself up with negative self talk. Taking a second to think about my reaction to something, rather than firing off by instinct. These things have been probably the hardest to do as well. They are things I’ve programmed myself to do. It’s hard to fight against things that come to you before you think. Like I said though, it all adds up and the effort is worth it.

Now I’m not saying this to preach that you should do all these things. What I’m trying to highlight is that none of these things in isolation is going to fix your depression or anxiety. But by doing small things that have a positive impact on your life, things start to turn in a better direction.

I can only say that these things have helped add up for me. Everyone needs to find their own way to add positivity to their own life. It's also important to give yourself the credit when you do it. If you're like me, you might need someone else to help point that out for you from time to time.