Three People

A lot of the modules I’ve done so far are not things that I’ve developed myself. Sure, I’ve tweaked a few things to make them relevant to the space we are talking about on this site, namely parenting, but you can find similar exercises elsewhere. This one I’m sharing today is one I’ve come up with on my own. At this point I should probably include some form of disclaimer, I’m no qualified expert. I’ve just found this is a great way for me personally to frame things in my mind. If you feel like giving it a go and you like it, as always I’m glad to have shared.

This is a reflection exercise I developed this in playgrounds. I was sitting there often with two or three other parents. We acknowledged each other sometimes, but never really spoke. I found I would develop their personality in my head, which I’m sure we all do to some extent. This started me thinking about how we all have good days and bad days. Some days I’d be the guy that forgot snacks and jackets. Other days, I’d be prepared and someone else would look flustered.

So you don’t need to be alone to give it a go. In fact I find that being able to see other people is actually quite helpful for this. As the general idea is to build your empathy, understanding and openness to the people and world around you. As I was building it up, I was thinking about it in the context of parenting, but as I’ve refined it I think it applies to life in general too.

It’s called ‘three people’. It’s about understanding that we all experience ups and downs and how to empathise with yourself and others. The goal is to open yourself up to understanding other people without judgement.

Let’s get started. Imagine we have three people. The first one is having a pretty average day, nothing amazingly good or bad is happening. Just a run of the mill day. The second person is having the best day of their life so far. Everything is going their way, they woke up feeling great and it’s been all plain sailing from there. The third person, well, they are having the worst day of their life so far.

Step 1:

OK, so we have these three people in our head. Spend some time  ‘being’ each of those people. What does it feel like? How do you view the world? Is it dark or light? What sort of energy levels do they have? How do they communicate with others? What internal dialogue do they have? 

Step 2:
Then think about all of those people in a room together. Imagine you are a fly on the wall. These three people are sitting in three chairs facing each other in a triangle shape. What kind of energy is each person projecting into the space between them? What do their faces look like? What sort of body language are they displaying? Who might break the ice conversationally? 

Step 3:
Now, you’re not the fly anymore. You are those people. You are the person having an average day. You are the person having their best day, and you’re the person having their worst day. Step through each chair one by one. How do you view the other versions of yourself from those other perspectives? Do you find it harder to feel sympathy for the person having their worst day, if it’s you? How does your internal dialogue change when discussing or interpreting someone, who isn’t the other, but you? 

There is no right or wrong way to feel or think about this. But I find I learn something about myself when I do this. Sometimes it’s how I feel about myself, and sometimes how I feel about others. Often it’s how the mood I’m in at the time can impact my perspective on the highs and lows of the human experience.

If this doesn’t sound too abstract or fluffy to you, give it a go. You might get something out of it.

When I first built this out, I would focus afterwards on my own kids. How were they interacting with each other, with their friends, or with me? I find we have had really interesting conversations off the back of it too. I was putting myself in the right frame of mind to really listen to them. It made me more engaged and present in the moment.

As I got more serious about my own therapy and personal growth, I found the way I was viewing those other parents, their kids and my kids in the playground changed. Slowly but surely I tweaked this little exercise so that I could reflect and learn about myself. 

But I wasn’t just learning about myself. I found after I did this exercise I was in a better position to celebrate someone else having a good day, or support and empathise with someone having a bad day. I realised that when we recognise that at some point in your life you will be ‘that’ person it validates your own, and others, feelings.

Anyway, if you give this a go and find this useful or helpful, as always I’m glad I shared.