My Parenting Over the Holidays
There was an ad that used to run on TV in December, I think it was from the Tindall Foundation. The gist of it, was that the most valuable thing you can spend on your kids at Christmas is time. I’ve been thinking about that a lot, especially over the past few Christmases as my kids get a bit older and start to get caught up in the consumerist side of the season.
Christmas can be a tight time financially for parents. Buying presents, planning some kind of summer holiday (for us in the southern hemisphere) and all the special christmas food can really add up. I keep coming back to that message from the ad though. All of those things that add up are really just excuses to spend time with your loved ones over the holiday. Piling financial stress on top of the organisation it all takes feels like it can only detract from your experience. Which in turn makes you less present for your family during what’s supposed to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ as the song goes.
Another thing I have been thinking about when it comes to spending ‘time’ with your kids is the presence of devices. Phones, tv and ipads etc. can be a great distraction, or way to create some quiet time, but they can all become a substitute for the attention and focus we should be giving each other. I’ve been thinking about a 2023 tweak to the messaging of the ad. It’s something along the lines of “the most valuable thing you can give your kids this Christmas is your attention”. Not just your time, but your attention and presence during that time.
That’s one of the reasons we really love the beach. For one we are out of the house and away from those distractions, but you’re also in an environment that requires your focus. Kids need supervision and to be taught and reminded about water safety, so you have to be present with them. I really love watching their water confidence grow over a summer and seeing how they progress every year with their swimming and knowledge of the coast line.
But screen time is pretty inevitable, so at the risk of contradicting myself I’m going to try to present Christmas movies in a positive light. I’m usually pretty anti the kids watching movies etc. when the weather is nice outside. However, we found that watching Christmas movies can be a really nice palate cleanser to the consumerism of the season. Lots of Christmas movies actually stress the importance of time with family, the spirit of the season and all that. Which we found really helpful this year. The kids would finish watching the movie and then go off and play really nicely with each other.
I think watching it together with them also can help with that feeling of needing to buy all the things. It reminds you as a parent too that your kids don’t actually need all the toys. They know how to have fun already. I found the movies really refreshing and a reminder that a great Christmas is so little about the presents and so much more about the people. It’s not what’s under the tree that’s important, it’s who’s around it.
My challenge, and something I’m sure many of us could do with reminding of, is to remember this next December. Trying to invite less stress into the festive season and focus more on making the time we spend together focussed on what’s really important. I think I’ll set a reminder in my phone for next November 30th to read this again to myself!
For now though, I think everyone should give themselves a pat on the back. It can be a really hard time of the year for a number of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with taking a moment to appreciate the effort you put in for your children, family and friends over the last few weeks! Ka mau te wehi!